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Saturday, May 28, 2011


i suck at meditation. I just don't have the mindset for it I suppose - or it is something i need to learn! I know this and will eventually figure this out. Right now I am tired and amped up, I foresee a tough weekend, that I hope is fun at least. It is not fun as yet...

So, i have some thoughts stirring and decided to share them. everything in this world that you allow to influence you is a personal choice. Before you start freaking out, let us examine this logic - you feel, but why? most of us believe it is because we are human, and that is partially true. If you are offended by something, is that not a choice? if life is not giving you what you want, are you asking for it? have you made steps to rectify what is wrong? or do you point the finger, blaming out of some ridiculous fear to be wrong and responsible for your own self?

most people understand fear to be an elemental thing, something that we should hide in the closet from, under the blankets or behind others... haha, just reminded that while donnie darko is a cult classic, i disagreed with it's entire premise. People may think that acknowledging a myriad of emotions and circumstances make it ok to disregard that which is simple. Love/Fear - that is everything!

think about the people you love, the things you love to do, that feeling of elation when you feel that first rush, the soft throb of respect from a long standing partnership... that power is in everything positive, anywhere, ever! in that smile you give a stranger, the pennies you give to charity, that feeling of wellbeing is love. Love is in a text message, the internet, everything, everywhere, everyone! the ability to truly empathize with another human being only takes a few steps - not easy ones, but simple in word, if not practice.

you know the saying that you will never love anyone until you love yourself? this is completely true - i have loved, lusted, obsessed on some rare occassions, then alternately mooned over people, but the reality is, until i looked myself in the eye, saw all that I am, light/dark and the balance of my most evil and good within me, FORGAVE myself for those I had perceived wrongly to be bad - there is no bad side, just the balance - the duality of human nature is in all things - that is when i truly learned what it was to love. People will ask why God does things to them - no one does anything to you that you do not allow - before anyone freaks out, I am not talking about beatings, abuse, rape, natural disasters, etc - i mean within! within YOU is the entire universe as YOU see it. Without some interpretation, you are the only one who can see things the way you do - how can you place blame on someone else for your view on ANYTHING? you can't.

You might say to me, I voted and now they are messing up what i voted for - go ahead, be angry. What service will your anger do? anger is not the answer, action is! if something is not right to you, do something about it - otherwise you are causing and facilitating that which is making you miserable, and likely making others around you the same way. of course, they have the power to mitigate their responses - the main point is just that if you are unhappy, change it - I am not telling anyone to jump up and move - i am saying change the way you see EVERYTHING!!

every thing you have ever done has led up to this moment - every person you have met has been a link to this NOW! appreciate where you are, not where you can be, might be, were... even that mistake, the one that seems so senseless, shaped you to be who you are right now - be appreciative, LEARN your lessons, but move on - try to be happy while you are here to learn your lessons - the lesson whose final destination is love and balance! that is all any of us want. Do not let your ego and fear keep you from the joy that is living, the beauty that is in a sunbeam is always there to be appreciated - and it has been sparkling there longer then you have been aware. Do you think that sunbeam sits around all day waiting to be appreciated? nope, it just shines it's mellow light and dances with the dust motes and pollen!

a quote "fear is what kills us" says it all. Suicide is likely the most selfish act in the entire universe. Imagine, your soul is waiting in queue to come here to learn what it means to really truly BE, and while in process you just destroy the shell that you inhabit...  one can only imagine the cosmic backlash of such a thing, but why would anyone do that anyway? (and yes, i have not only seriously contemplated but also planned my own such downfall in the past, before i opened my eyes and truly began to See) - Fear - if you do not look within and recognize the way that fear manipulates you to do things that you should not do, smooth talks you into that chemical dependency to act "normal" and will give you all of the reasons to do those things that will sabotage your life, then your lack of self-love will have destroyed you - there is not much learning to be gleaned from feeding fear, only from conquering them and the patterns that have shaped us so far...

simple things to start

  1. be honest with yourself - look in a mirror if you must. Every person in the universe is a mirror, every creature, leaf, tree, etc. is a part of you - that person you loathe is just a part of yourself you have not recognized and forgiven - once you have completed this step then you are ready for step 2
  2. forgive yourself - we all tend to judge ourselves too harshly - even if you have made a terrible mistake and bad choices, the chances for self redemption is always there - evil does not exist, only fear manipulated bad choices - YOU are the only one who can make the choice to release all that blame and mess - you are not bad, we are all beautiful creatures of light and love - you were born as a guileless, loving child who learned fear from a flying hand or a hot stove - by all means, take care of yourself, just realize all things within reason! reason being whatever keeps you safe to enjoy this moment and the next
  3. Love yourself! - remembering who you are is an integral part of this process - once you have seen the balance within you, appreciate what you can be, now just KNOW that you are awesome! EVERYONE is awesome, because we are all the same - God is within each of us, and with that comes the ability to be ones own god - you control what happens within you. that person who was rude to you - forgive them, release ay negativity and breathe in the npositive energy of the earth - just breathe - ground yourself - with your feet touching the ground, seated and comfortable, breathe and imagine pulling in energy from the earth through the soles of your feet, exhaling the negative out - when you feel that tingling in your feet and legs you are now grounded - this is a good way to release anything that gets to you - this is not in Any way a one step process, it is a constant learning curve :)
  4. Release Judgment - this is a huge one, and one that seems to be most difficult for some people - once you recognize that we are all the same - that ex who was always telling you that you suck? that guy or gal is Reflecting. meaning that if you start to judge someone elses choices for any reason, it is time to stop, reflect on what is wrong, see it within you and then release it. Control is a huge element that fear stems from - the illusion of control that is... my personal patterns are just as twisted as anyone elses -I just try to stop myself when i begin to react in a way that is not constructive, i try to see the root of the fear that caused the reaction - when i see it, i can control my reactions, thus ending the cycle for a while - again - this is literally something that you will do multiple times a day. over time you will start doing it subconsciously or just be more zen all of the time - because once you stop judging other people you can see that they are just like you! i find this easy enough, but it may be a challenge for some - that homeless guy on the corner, it may be that he has made some bad choices and will continue to do so - that does not mean you should believe that he does not know that and has made a decision to listen to fear - sometimes the path that seems so simple to you may not be easy for someone else - and that is compassion. once you can love yourself and release judgment you can now give unconditional love.
  5. unconditional love - you know that family member who is crazy or does things you do not agree with? do you love them? usually you do, you just find yourself aggravated by their lack of good choices - it is nice of you to care so much, but what would happen if instead of you dictating their behavior, you allowed them to be themselves, love them despite all faults and just loved them? perhaps shared a little insight into your own awakening to YOU? might they begin to rebuild themselves in whatever way they were meant to evolve? is this a chance you can pass up??
  6. Learning - and that is where I am now - still learning everyday to recognize the patterns of myself, ready to be honest, dig if i must, forgive myself, release judgment, unconditional love for EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. that negative nancy needs a hug - show some kindness and love and it will come back to you a zillion times over! once you get here, you will redo every step, as many times as needed, to learn what you need - if you mess up, back in the queue :) not that reincarnation is such a bad thing, but You are Here NOW! You are perfect and imperfect, dark and light, the balance of the entire universe rests in your own hands - empowerment in it's greatest form!
Ah, see - just explaining the processes calmed me, I feel a lot better and the reminder that Love is always there to balance me - to see my own choices and be happy - thank you, blog!

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