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Friday, June 10, 2011

communication

http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-Better-in-a-Relationshippossibly the most ridiculously simple and difficult things in this life is communication. everyone is just trying to be understood, yet there is an unfortunate set of subconscious fears guiding every reply, every action and coinciding reaction, and sometimes, all you can do it react. the way through to the other side of a rage confrontation is not the same for every circumstance. personally, i try to figure out the reason that my hackles have risen and see that it is foolish. if you can see it, then you win that round. unfortunately, even knowing does not make one able to fight every instance of irrational fear... but it can help control the backlash of unfortunate behavior that may seem perfectly reasonable as you are "defending" yourself. the suck parts are when you know you will never be forgiven for some foolishness, you didn't really mean it, sort of bad choices... intentions are not analogous to reception! you can be bringing blankets to an orphanage and they just happened to not be flame resistant or something - anything can happen. I like to approach it all with the most positive intentions I can manage :) wrestling inner fears can be a constant struggle, but if you cannot change the past, don't lose the now there as well, or too far ahead either - appreciate your current blessings!

perception is everything - example - i have a friend, who i was very close with a few years back. he was aware of my eating issues. he decided to make me and some people breakfast this morning and thoughtlessly dumped a bunch of cheese into it. luckily, i saw it before i ate it, but i got so angry! i jumped up from the table and i went for a walk. it seems so irrational now, but at the time i was mad at the fact that he was completely thoughtless, forgetting something that was so major, and how selfish that he had not checked with me. from his point of view, he was just making me a tasty breakfast. this was result of neither of us communicating with the other, but was my reaction in any way warranted? not in his view, nor mine in hindsight, but that did not stop me from leaving the situation until i cooled down. He will never change, and knowing him, I should have known to remind him, haha! anyway - so when you get all secretly butthurt about something someone did and harbor resentment, what will that win you? nothing good. If you cannot forgive yourself, you won't be able to forgive others for what you Imagine their view of you is - twisty, but true! so once you cool down and have rationalized what was an irrational situation, remember to COMMUNICATE!

it is much easier to accept that while you see it from this perspective, they see it another way and as long as no harm is done, let it be - don't see the world only from the view of what you would do! appreciate that different things work for different people - stop expecting them to act/react the way you do - stop judging everyone for what they did/said/wore/look like, etc. - That person you are pointing at is you from a slightly different angle!

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